


write to me

by bisexualsuki



Series: write to me [1]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Injury Recovery, Korrasami - Freeform, Korrasami is Canon, Letters, Love Confessions, Pining, Slow Build, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 23,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24672502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualsuki/pseuds/bisexualsuki
Summary: I got the idea for this after following a Vita and Virginia account on twitter, that just tweets excerpts of the letters between Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf. I recently rewatched all of ATLA and LOK and thought to myself, what if Asami and Korra kept in touch while Korra was gone? And this is what came of those thoughts.This is part 1 of the write to me series!
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato, Korra/Mako (Avatar), Mako/Asami Sato
Series: write to me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039289
Comments: 67
Kudos: 190





	1. be back soon

Asami-

It’s weird not being in Republic City. I know I grew up here but I don’t really feel like I’ve come home. I feel like I’m existing on a mover set, like some director built a set of the South Pole based on my description of it without ever visiting. I don’t know why. It’s bothering me. And I’ve been so focussed on why the South Pole no longer feels like home that it’s interfering with me getting better. Katara thinks I might be subconsciously distracting myself, that it’s easier for me to think of this than it is to confront what happened.

I don’t need to confront anything. I know what happened. I was poisoned, but at the end of the day I lived, and the Air nation is safe. What is there to confront? I just want to get back on my feet and get back to Republic City.

I’ll see you soon,

-Korra

Korra,

Maybe the South Pole doesn’t feel like home anymore because it’s just not home for you, now that you’ve grown up and started to build a life in Republic City. Or maybe your attachment to it has changed. I know the feeling, it’s exactly how I felt about my house after the break-in all those years ago. It didn’t feel the same without my mother. And it felt like less of a home, I guess because a home is somewhere you’re supposed to be safe, somewhere you can retreat to. It was hard for me and my dad to feel like we could really relax afterwards, and so it just felt like a place instead of a home. Just a location where I happened to sleep and bathe and eat.

That feeling only got worse after my dad’s arrest. I still have never set foot in that secret workshop of his. I think I’m scared that once I truly confront it, I’ll never feel good about my house ever again. If I never go down there I can pretend like it doesn’t exist, that my dad isn’t in prison, that this is still a home. But it still feels so...empty.

Take care of yourself, okay?

-Asami

Asami-

I had no idea that’s how you felt about your own home. I assumed, hey, you’ve got a mansion all to yourself, complete with a swimming pool and a race track, so you must be living it up. It must be really hard to enjoy those things when it feels like hallowed ground.

That’s sorta how the South Pole feels to me now. Empty. It’s frustrating because I know that it’s not, so why does it feel that way? My parents are still here. All my favorite places that I miss when I’m gone, I can go to. I can eat all the Southern Water Tribe food that I miss when I’m in Republic City but it still feels just, not the same. I wish I could come up with a better word, but I’m really tired. I’ve been working hard to get back on my feet but I’m not a hundred percent yet. Katara has been doing everything she can and I can’t even walk. I’m starting to think I might be gone a little longer than just two weeks.

-Korra

Korra,

Honestly, it’s really hard to enjoy those things without Team Avatar. Maybe the empty feeling isn’t just about my parents. Now that I’m thinking about it, the only time that my house felt like a home again after the break-in was when Mako and Bolin stayed for a while, and you’d come to visit. I can’t wait to take you on the race track once you’re back in Republic City.

It’s okay that you’re not at a hundred percent yet. It’s only been a few weeks since everything happened. It’ll take some time for your body to recover. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?

-Asami

Asami-

Your last letter had me up late the other night thinking. Maybe we don’t feel at home anymore because Team Avatar is our home now. The last time I was in the South Pole was with all you guys, and it felt like home then, even with the civil war and Harmonic Convergence. I kinda felt at home when we were travelling through the Earth Kingdom to find more Airbenders. I think I actually felt more at home then than I do now. Is that weird?

Maybe inviting Mako and Bolin over would help you feel more at home. How are they doing? I haven’t really been keeping in touch with them. I feel bad about that. Please don’t tell them I’ve been writing to you. I don’t want them to feel left out. I’m just so tired that I don’t have the energy to write back to everybody, and it’s easier to talk to you.

-Korra

Korra,

I don’t think that’s weird at all. In fact, I think you might be right. Team Avatar is our home now, and maybe that’s why we both feel so off. Maybe if home is safety, it doesn’t have to be a place, just people you feel safe with. Even when you and I got trapped in the desert I felt safe. I never thought I could make a home out of people after what happened with my parents, but it just happened. I can’t help but kick myself for taking it for granted while I still had it. I guess sometimes you don’t realize how important someone is until they’re suddenly not there anymore.

I don’t think it would be the same if I were to invite the boys over without you. I think spending time with them would feel empty, too, if you weren’t there with us. To be honest, I don’t see them much these days. Mako has thrown himself into his work and Bolin spends most of his time with Opal. I won’t tell them about your letters, though, if I do see them.

Miss you,

Asami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come. stay tuned


	2. advice

Korra,

Well, I did it. I finally went into that secret workshop beneath the mansion, where my father was making illegal weapons for the Equalists. It was definitely an experience. It’s empty now, all the weapons were confiscated by the Republic City police, so it’s hard to imagine what it once looked like. I don’t think I want to know. I’m sure I could ask Mako or Beifong if there were any photos taken for evidence but I think that might be too much for me to handle. Just knowing that this was literally right under my nose is upsetting enough.

I haven’t been sleeping well since. This place felt less and less like a home over the years, but now it feels almost unbearable. I feel like such an idiot for not knowing this was happening. It’s putting me past sleep. With my father gone I can easily just push everything he did out of my mind, but now after actually seeing the workshop and knowing that it’s part of what I once called home, I can’t ignore it anymore. Sometimes I wonder if actually going down there was a good idea. I don’t know if I can stay here anymore. I might try to find a place of my own, free of any ghosts of an incredibly broken and violent past.

I hope you’re okay. I haven’t heard from you in a couple months.

-Asami

Asami-

I’m sorry I took so long to write back. I guess I lost track of time. The weeks are starting to blend together here and I’ve been so stuck. I still haven’t made much progress. I hate that I can’t ask any of my past lives for advice or guidance. Katara reminded me during one of our healing sessions that I’m not the only Avatar who’s gone through something traumatic. And she’s right. After disappearing for a hundred years Aang found out his entire people and culture were wiped out. But finding out your people were killed while you were gone is so much more traumatic than just being poisoned. Kyoshi being abandoned by her parents and losing her father figure is more traumatizing than anything I’ve ever been through. I feel pathetic for being this messed up over an event that lasted for what, an hour? I’m fortunate enough to have a family and a home to come back to after it happened. I have people like you to write to. And I’m still not okay. After Avatar Aang found out his entire nation was killed he went and mastered the other 3 elements in less than a year and saved the world. I got poisoned and a few months later I’m still at home, unable to walk or take care of myself.

I’m really proud of you for going into your dad’s secret workshop. That had to be so hard. I know that you have mixed feelings about it, but I think you did the right thing. Maybe confronting it gave you that push you needed to finally make your own home someplace else?

-Korra

Korra,

If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that trauma isn’t a competition. Was it traumatic for Kyoshi to lose every family figure, and for Aang to learn that he was the last of his people? Absolutely. But neither of those experiences take away from what you went through. You were almost killed, and from what you told me, it was incredibly painful. And it’s not just the experience that can mess you up, the aftermath can be traumatic too. Struggling to function because someone hurt you so badly is traumatic. You’re a powerful person, Korra. You’re fierce and you’re not one to back down from a fight. Zaheer went out of his way to make sure you couldn’t fight back. Trauma is more about how powerless you were in a situation, not how scary or harsh it was. You have every right to be messed up over this.

I didn’t feel too traumatized after the break-in. I felt grief for losing my mother but I think I was too young to fully understand what happened that night. And as I grew older, I thought I was fine. It had happened so long ago and I could defend myself anyway so I had nothing to worry about. And it could’ve been worse. I still had my father, and I still had a pretty comfortable life because he was the CEO of Future Industries, so I felt like I didn’t really have a right to be messed up over it. But secretly I was having nightmares and I found myself struggling to sleep. Any noise in the night would wake me up and I’d lie in bed, frozen and terrified, worried it was about to happen again. I’m fortunate to still have a bed to sleep in but that doesn’t mean much if I can’t sleep properly. I didn’t realize until years later that it was a traumatizing experience, and my father’s arrest only made it worse. I thought I only had to worry about the scary things that existed outside my home that might try to come in and hurt me and was given the harsh reminder that villains aren’t necessarily outsiders.

On the other hand, meeting you and the rest of Team Avatar reminded me that people outside of your home are good and kind, too, and sometimes they’re better for you than the people in your home. I guess that goes back to how sometimes home is the people that make you feel safe.

Maybe you’re right that confronting the workshop is pushing me to move forward. I think I was holding onto my childhood house, hoping that someday it would feel less tainted, but now I think I’m ready to accept that this place stopped being my home a long time ago. The longer I stay here the longer it’ll be until I feel safe or at home again.

-Asami

Asami-

I guess that’s true, about trauma being a result of powerlessness. I’m beginning to realize that it’s ongoing for me because I’m still powerless. I haven’t told anybody but I keep having nightmares. I haven’t even tried to get into the Avatar state yet. I think I’m too scared to but I’m also worried that if I don’t try soon then I’ll forget how to completely and never be able to do it again. On a brighter note, I’m able to stand again, with a little help. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be back to normal and back in Republic City. I miss you guys. I’d do anything to see a pro bending match or drive with you or help you find a new apartment. Where are you going to stay in the meantime?

Can I ask you for some advice? What do you do when you get nightmares, or when you have trouble falling asleep?

-Korra

PS I’m really thankful for your letters. You confronting your dad’s workshop really helped me accept that I have to confront what happened to me. It’s a scary thing to do but I think I have to do it.

Korra,

Honestly, and I hate to admit it, but the nightmares were easiest to deal with when I was with Mako. I felt protected sleeping in the same bed as a pro bender. And when I’d wake up from a nightmare he would help calm me down. Nowadays it’s different, I have to take care of myself instead. I sleep with my Equalist glove on my nightstand just in case, and when I do wake up from a nightmare, I’ll often get up and make a cup of tea to relax and tire me out a bit. But it’s easier when you have someone there with you just to help you feel safe and to hold you as you fall back asleep. I’m not saying that I miss Mako, I think that relationship is better off in the past and I think we were meant to be friends rather than a couple. But I do miss having somebody.

We all really miss you, too. Well, I still haven’t seen much of Mako and Bolin so I can’t speak for them, but I’ll bet that they do. I know I miss you. My offer to come with you still stands, by the way. I know when you left you said not to worry because you would only be gone a couple weeks, but it’s been a few months since we got to spend some girl friend time together. I know I’d love to get out of the mansion, even if only for a couple of weeks.

Let me know!

-Asami

PS You’re probably wondering why this is in a package. I wanted to send you some of the tea I drink after having a nightmare, it's got chamomile to help you relax. Let it steep for about 4 minutes before you drink it!


	3. let me know

Asami-

The tea tastes amazing. Thank you for sending it. I try my best to drink a cup or two before heading to bed, because it’s hard to get up and make myself a cup in the middle of the night after a bad dream. I still can’t walk and I need help getting in and out of bed. But it helps me fall asleep instead of lying awake for hours replaying the poisoning in my mind and fearing having another nightmare.

I miss spending girl friend time with you, too. Life is pretty boring here. But I’m still in such a bad place, and I don’t want you to come all the way here when I can’t do much. You have a business to run and a life of your own, plus an apartment to find. How’s that going? Have you found yourself a fancy sky-rise place to call your own? I have a feeling that once I’m back in Republic City we’re gonna spend a lot of time there. I mean, you and I both know Mako is going to love the view, even if he never admits it. And Bolin is gonna want to spend as much time there as possible so he and Pabu can eat all the fancy food you’ll have.

Just thinking about all this sort of cheers me up a bit. I’m guessing that if you do end up in a nice penthouse apartment you won’t have a track anymore. We’ll just have to go for drives outside of Republic City. Maybe I can finally learn how to.

-Korra

Korra,

I haven’t had much luck finding a new place yet. I think I’m gonna avoid high rises and penthouses. I don’t want anything too lavish that might remind me of the mansion, though I wouldn’t mind a good view of the city skyline. I think I’d like to live in a studio apartment in a quiet little neighborhood. Maybe at some point I’ll move to a different place with rooms and a view, but for now I just want something cozy. This mansion feels so empty, and I’m scared that if I live in a big penthouse apartment it’ll feel empty too. I think right now I’d rather be cozy in a cramped up space. I’m going to keep the mansion, though, on the off chance that my father does ever get out of prison, or if Team Avatar ever needs a place to stay. It’s big enough for the four of us, plus Lin and the Zaofu gang, and whoever else gets sucked into our adventures. Naga and Uugi, too.

I understand if you would rather have some space and not have any visitors. But please don’t think that you shouldn’t have company because you worry that I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with you. I don’t care what we do, or if we even do anything at all, I just miss spending time with you. I would thoroughly enjoy lazy days together. I would love to cook for you. We can go out for walks together so we can get a change of scenery. And if you wake up from a nightmare, I can get up and make you a cup of tea, that way you’re not just lying in bed all alone trying to calm yourself down so you can get some sleep. If you’d rather have some alone time to heal I understand, but please know that I would love to see you again, even if we don’t do anything in particular.

-Asami

Asami-

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see you. I do. I guess I’m just scared that you’ll be bored here with me and you’ll go back to Republic City and we’ll lose touch and stop being friends. Now that I write it down on paper it seems ridiculous. But it’s something I’m scared of. I’m angry that just as you and I really started to get close I had to leave. I keep thinking of what my life would look like if I wasn’t ever poisoned, wondering what you and I would be up to if I was still in Republic City right now. I know we would both be super busy, you with Future Industries and me with general Avatar stuff, but I feel like we would hang out a lot. Maybe I would be staying at the mansion with you so it wouldn’t feel so empty.

I’m starting to do a little bit better. I can walk, but not very far, and only with someone or something else to hold onto. And I can do some very basic bending with my hands! Other than that I still can’t do much. The Avatar State isn’t even on my radar at this point.

I’ve started confronting how traumatic it was to be poisoned. It’s pretty difficult. I still feel so powerless. Where am I supposed to go from here? I’ve accepted it was traumatizing but I still have to heal, and nobody knows how long that’ll take.

I wish I was in Republic City with you and the rest of the team.

-Korra


	4. "my darling I shall see you so soon-horray"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I've decided I'm going to start using lines from the Vita and Virginia letters as chapter titles from hereon out)

Korra,

I can promise you that I’m not going to get bored with you and go back to Republic City only to lose touch. I get excited just by getting a letter from you. I think I’ll enjoy seeing you again no matter what we wind up doing together. And hey, if you’re slowly starting to walk again, I can help you. We can go for walks like I said. We’ll bring the wheelchair, and you can walk a little bit while holding onto me for support, and when you tire out we’ll use the wheelchair again. Isn’t the Glacier Spirits Festival a couple months away? I can come for that and we can go together!

I’m really glad to hear you’re making progress. I know sometimes that confronting trauma can feel like “okay, I accept it was a traumatic experience, can I be over it now?”, but oftentimes after that phase is when things get a little bit rough. For me, that’s when I realized how close to death I was, and it’s when my anxiety really kicked in. I became jumpy and paranoid. I would get pretty easily triggered by sudden noises. That’s when the insomnia got really bad for me. But, you do get through it, and you start to heal and feel better. But there’s a good chance things will get worse.

I wish you were here, too.

-Asami

Asami-

I completely forgot about the festival! It’s about 6 weeks away. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year already since Harmonic Convergence. I would love to have you here for that. Hopefully this year we’ll actually get to relax and enjoy the festival, instead of dealing with a Civil War and an impending apocalypse. I just...please don’t think that you need to take care of me while you’re here. I don’t want you to feel like a maid or a nurse. I just want to see you.

I’m really scared of that phase. I don’t know what it’s going to look like for me, if I’m already having nightmares. But I guess there’s no sense worrying about it until it actually happens.

I can’t wait to see you. Let me know when you’ll get here!

-Korra

Korra,

I have a few important business meetings to take care of in the next couple weeks before I come down to see you, but I’ll be there! I haven’t told any of the team here that I’m going, otherwise I would’ve asked Tenzin if I could just fly down on Uugi. They think I’m going to the Fire Nation to meet a potential client. In reality I’ll be sailing past the Fire Nation to Kyoshi Island, and then I have to stay overnight to wait for the next ship to take me from there to the South Pole. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be there exactly a week before the festival, and I’ll leave a few days afterwards.

Let me know if there’s anything from Republic City you want me to bring! I’m already stocking up on tea to take with me.

I’ll see you soon!

-Asami

Asami-

I can’t believe you’re going to be here in less than a month. I don’t even know if this letter will reach you in time before you leave. Don’t worry about bringing me anything! I’m just excited to see you. You may want to pack some warmer clothes, though, because it’s pretty cold. If you don’t have any we can always get you some Water Tribe gear to keep you nice and cozy.

If I don’t hear from you before you leave, travel safely!

-Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might be a while until the next chapter. I've decided I'm going to keep this fic in letter format, but as I write it, write another fic that's basically a story of what happens whenever Asami comes to visit. so I'm kind of writing two fics at once? I won't be posting any of the other fic until this one is done, but I want to at least have outlines of what will happen between the letters so I can write the letters in such a way that unfolds what happens when they're together. it's kind of a scattered idea. bear with me.


	5. "I felt quite well when I saw you. And I wish I could see you now."

Asami-

I know you only just left yesterday, but I miss you already. It’s weird not having you here. It’s like my house is kinda empty. Not  _ empty _ empty, my parents are still here, but it’s just not the same now that you left. I don’t know how to describe it. This isn’t very articulate. Sorry about that. 

I’m sending this in hopes that it arrives before you get back to Republic City so you can come home to it. Write to me to let me know that you’ve made it back safely!

-Korra

PS You left your hairbrush. It’s really nice and it smells a little bit like you. I might use it, I’ve been using the same comb my whole life. Maybe it’ll make my hair kind of shiny like yours.


	6. "it has been warm, and I have wished you were here"

Korra,

As promised, here’s a postcard from Kyoshi Island. So far the trip back has been a lot smoother, thankfully, because sailing through that storm was not easy. I visited the Kyoshi training gym earlier today! The warriors gave me an intro lesson, and I gotta say, it’s harder than it looks. I thought my self defense training would translate, but I made a bit of a fool of myself. It was worth it though. They told me they were thinking of opening up a gym in Republic City, so more warriors could be trained outside of the small community on the island. I said that if they did I would definitely sign up for lessons.

By the time you get this I’ll probably be back in Republic City. Also, I’m running out of space, because this postcard is tiny.

Miss you already!

-Asami


	7. "I am still under the spell of being with you"

Korra,

Well, I made it back to Republic City in one piece, and as expected, I’m jumping right back into the swing of things. President Raiko sent a letter asking me to meet with him, he wants to talk about making a deal with Future Industries to modernize Republic City’s Central City Station. As much as I dislike him, I think it might help redeem the company. I wish you were here so I could ask you for advice. By the time you get this letter and send a response I’ll probably already have taken the deal and started working on it.

I saw Mako recently. He’s been working as a bodyguard for Prince Wu, so he hasn’t been around much, but he was in town so we went out to dinner to catch up. I told him about the deal and he thinks it’s a great idea, even if it means working closely with someone I dislike. He joked and said that that’s what bodyguarding for Wu is like. I’m inclined to believe him. I’ve never met the Prince, but from the stories Mako was telling me, he seems like a piece of work.

I almost slipped up and admitted that we’ve kept in touch and that I just got back from visiting you. He said he was wondering how you were doing and I almost told him, but instead said I didn’t know because I hadn’t heard from you. He said he’s still writing you letters, which took me by surprise. It’s not like Mako to make that much of an effort. That sounds mean, but you know what I mean. We both dated him. Anyway, part of me felt guilty, knowing I’m the only person you’ve been writing to, but part of me felt special too. Is that wrong?

You’re so sweet, sending me a letter to come home to. Did my postcard arrive?

-Asami

PS Keep the brush. I accidentally brought back one of your Water Tribe shirts. The one you let me borrow when we went shopping to get me some warmer clothes. I guess I put it in the shopping bag and put on the new shirt, and never took it out to give it back to you. Call it even?

Asami-

So that’s where that shirt went. It looks good on you, even if the sleeves were a little too short. Everything looks good on you. I used to hate you for that. Just...please don’t wear it out, in case anyone asks why you’re wearing Water Tribe stuff and then you have to explain that you visited and then everyone realizes that I’m only keeping in touch with you and they start wondering if I miss them or not. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I miss everybody but I can’t talk to them the way I talk to you. And as much as I don’t want for them to think that they’re not as special or something, with the way you phrased it in your last letter, I think what we have is kinda special. I feel a little guilty for that, too. I love all you guys but I think you and me are just closer.

By the time you get this you probably already took the deal. I think you should go for it. Raiko’s the worst but this is a really great opportunity. Keep me updated. I hope it works out.

And yes, your postcard arrived. Thanks for sending it. It cheered me up, I’ve been kinda bummed since you left.

-Korra

Korra,

I can’t believe you used to hate me! I mean, I kind of knew that you didn’t really like me at first, I figured it was because of the whole Mako situation. Honestly there was a moment where I thought I didn’t like you, back when Mako and I were still together and it was clear he had feelings for you, but I quickly realized that disliking you was directing my hurt in the wrong place. I was frustrated with Mako, and felt hurt that he loved you instead of me, but that just made me really want you to like me. I know that’s weird. I feel like any other person probably would’ve just left whatever friend group this happened in, especially because the four of us hadn’t been friends for a long time, but I wanted to stay. At first I thought it was because I still had feelings for Mako and wanted him back, but I didn’t feel like I was competing with you, and I also didn’t feel jealous of you. I think me kissing him and us briefly getting back together while you were gone sort of made me realize I wasn’t in this for him. All I could think about is how I wanted you to like me, and I was scared that you didn’t.

At any rate, I haven’t worn the shirt outside. I’ll sometimes wear it around the house just because it’s starting to get cold. It’s nice. The smell reminds me of being in the South Pole with you.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing that you and I are closer to each other than we are to anyone else. What’s so wrong about that? I think it’s really special, and we shouldn’t feel guilty for that.

I took the deal. It’s all still in the early stages, but I’ll keep you updated as we go along.

-Asami

Asami-

I mean, hate’s a strong word. I never actually hated you. I think I was just jealous that you were with Mako when I really liked him. At first I didn’t like you because you were this super pretty, fancy girl and I thought “well of course he likes her over me, who wouldn’t?”. Once I actually got to know you I started to like you more. Like I said on the racetrack, I totally had you pegged wrong. And honestly the more I got to know Mako the less I liked him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great friend and I don’t hate him and I don’t regret dating him. But as a boyfriend I didn’t really like him that much. Getting along with you felt so different. I kinda felt the whole “I really want her to like me” thing too. Once I realized you being so cool isn’t something to hate I really grew to appreciate it. The more time we spent together and the more we got along I was really glad that you liked me.

You’re right. That’s not something to feel guilty about. We both deserve to have someone we can really trust and I’m glad that we found that in each other.

I miss you. My house has felt empty again since you left.

-Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a while! as I mentioned before I'm working on the other fic at the same time, and I also started online classes which have taken up a lot of my time. I haven't forgotten this though <3


	8. "darling, you're my anchor"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which dumb bisexual Korra thinks "girlfriend" means "a girl who you are friends with"

Korra,

I have a bit of a confession to make. I kind of knew that I still had your shirt and took it with me anyway. I don’t know why. I’m sorry I didn’t give it back.

-Asami

Asami-

Don’t feel bad. You remember how I sat in your room with you while you packed the night before you left? I watched you forget to pack your hair brush and I didn’t say anything. I don’t know why, either. I think I was just so sad you were leaving that I wanted something of yours to stay here with me.

-Korra

Korra,

That was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while. It was hard knowing that in just a few hours time I’d be leaving but something about it just felt neverending. I can’t believe we stayed up all night. I never asked, how did the healing session with Katara go the next day? I’m sorry for keeping you up. You must’ve been exhausted.

What you said about wanting something of mine to stay with you...that’s exactly how I felt. I wasn’t ready to leave you yet and taking something that I knew would remind me of you made it easier. I’m glad we’re in the same boat, I was really nervous to tell you. There’s some part of me that feels almost thankful...maybe that’s not the right word. Special? I don’t know. It just makes me happy to know that you wanted to keep something of mine, too, that you miss me as much as I miss you.

I wish I was still there with you.

-Asami

Asami-

Special is exactly it. It’s the word I keep coming back to when it comes to us, it’s just special. It’s really special that we went from not really liking each other to being so close that we slept in the same bed and now we’re taking each other's stuff just so we don’t feel like we’re completely apart. It’s still kinda hard for me to not feel guilty about how close we are, compared to the rest of Team Avatar. But I keep reminding myself of what we talked about that night we both had a nightmare, that it’s okay for us to be this close, it doesn’t mean we don’t love the rest of the team.

Honestly, I slept in that day. After you left I radioed Katara to ask if I could see her later in the afternoon but she was scheduled to help someone else. I wound up seeing Kya instead. It was a pretty good session, we spent a lot of time talking.

-Korra

Korra,

I have to say, it was weird getting used to sleeping alone again. I knew that coming back to the estate would be lonely, but I didn’t expect to feel lonely in my bed until my first night back and you weren’t there. I hadn’t felt that way since Mako and I broke up. I guess when you feel that safe with someone and you fall into a routine with them, it takes some time to adjust to not having that safety anymore.

What was it like having a session with Kya? Did you guys talk about anything interesting?

-Asami

Asami-

I know exactly what you mean. Sleeping here without you is actually kinda difficult. I wake up from a nightmare and you’re not there to bring me back down from it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I only had one nightmare of all the nights we spent together. It was almost like I woke up from that nightmare and you were there and from then on I didn’t have any because I knew you were right there. I knew you’d be there to shake me out of it, or that if I woke up from a nightmare about something bad happening to you I could just roll over and see you lying there, safe and sound. And snoring.

The weird thing is, I didn’t feel that safety with Mako. It’s not that I felt like I was in any danger, I just didn’t feel any safer with him than I did without him. I just assumed it was because I was the Avatar but I feel that safety when you’re here and you’re not a bender. Not that being a bender makes you stronger in a fight, I’ve seen you hold your own. When we were trying to take down Amon and I was kidnapped, I got myself out of that mess. When I disappeared for a while because that spirit took me just before Harmonic Convergence, I found my own way back home and back to myself. But when I went in after Aiwei to Xi Bao’s grove, you took me with you to try to get to safety. And even though we were captured by the Earth Kingdom, we got out of it together, and then we got out of the desert together.

The session with Kya was interesting. I was able to walk a little with her help. She was asking how you were and if I was sad that you were gone, and then said something about her girl friend who’s coming to visit soon from Kyoshi Island. Apparently she’s super close friends with one of the warriors? The more I find out about Kya the cooler I think she is. She said she’d introduce me to her friend when she comes to visit.

-Korra

Korra,

I’m sorry it’s been so hard for you to sleep lately. Have you been getting nightmares again? I wish I could help, I feel so helpless being this far away again. It’s been difficult for me, too. I haven’t been having nightmares but it’s been so difficult for me to fall asleep. I need to move out. This house is so echoey and empty and every bump in the night sets me off.

I think for me it boiled down to trust. I didn’t trust Mako from a very early point in the relationship, I picked up on him having feelings for you pretty quickly, and I spent most of our time together after that wondering if he was thinking of you. In hindsight I should’ve left. After everything you and I have been through together, I know I can trust you. If we can fight off bandits and escape the Red Lotus, we can fend off anyone. And I don’t lie awake watching you sleep wondering if and when you’re going to betray me.

Kya mentioned a girl friend coming to visit when I spoke to her but I didn’t know she was a Kyoshi Warrior. How wild would it be if I met her while I was at Kyoshi Island?

-Asami

PS I’m sorry about the snoring, I hope it wasn’t too loud.

Asami-

Wait, you spoke to Kya while you were here? When? Where was I?

I’m sorry that your relationship with Mako was that tense. That’s definitely a little on me for kissing him and telling him that when he’s with you he’s thinking of me. I feel like I ruined something that could’ve been really good for you guys.

As for nightmares, I’m having them again, but not as often as before. I’m getting better at preventing them and recovering from them, but I think I’m gonna be having nightmares for a while. I just have to accept it. It was easier when you were here, though.

-Korra

PS You weren’t loud at all, it was a light snore and it was kind of adorable.

Korra,

She came by one day while you were at a healing session. We just talked about how I was doing and she was asking how I was enjoying the South Pole, and she mentioned whoever her Kyoshi Warrior is would be coming to visit in a couple months.

Don’t apologize. I think Mako would’ve hurt me no matter what, the same way he wound up hurting you. I had no idea you told him he was thinking of you any time he was with me. That’s...pretty impressive, honestly. I can’t even be mad, I respect you for having that kind of nerve. I couldn’t even bring myself to ask him about you until it was painfully obvious and too late to fix it.

I wish I could be there with you to help you sleep. I know it’s not the same, but I’m sending this letter with a sweater of mine. Sleeping in your shirt has helped me, so maybe this will help you.

-Asami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys your comments make my heart so warm I love you all  
> also korra is coming to netflix turn UP


	9. "I can't help letting hope break in"

Asami-

So...I’m the dumbest Avatar. You know how Kya said her girl friend from Kyoshi Island was coming to visit? Turns out, this woman isn’t a friend who’s a girl. She’s Kya’s girlfriend. Like, they’re together, they’re a couple. I can’t believe I didn’t realize that by myself! Her name is Ushi and they’ve been together for years. Katara and Kya hosted a dinner to celebrate their anniversary, and we were invited. Going into it I didn’t know it was an anniversary dinner, and I didn’t even realize they were together until they gave a small speech to thank us all for coming and to celebrate being together for 15 years. I’ve never seen Kya so sincere. She said that while they were proud to be together and to share it with us, they still didn’t want for this to be public information. I don’t blame her. Water tribe customs are very...private. You don’t talk about your personal life or your family life to anyone who isn’t family or a very close friend. And as much as Kya and Ushi love one another, Ushi can’t just abandon the Kyoshi Warriors to move here, and I think Kya will be in the South Pole for as long as Katara is alive. So, to everyone else, they’re just friends whenever Ushi comes to visit or whenever Kya visits her. But they wanted to finally share it with us.

Apparently, Kya came out as a lesbian to her friends and family years ago, and all of her family has met Ushi. But it was really nice for her to include our family. I don’t know what inspired her to come out and have us meet Ushi now of all times, but I’m glad it happened.

Anyway. I’ve started walking again, with crutches. Katara says that I’ve made a lot of progress the past couple months and I might be walking on my own in a few weeks! Which means I’ll be back to training and relearning how to fight soon. Hopefully.

-Korra

Korra,

I’m not really surprised Kya is a lesbian. She kind of told me while I was there. She didn’t explicitly say she was a lesbian but she wasn’t subtle about it either. It’s interesting that she chose now to tell more people. She really didn’t say anything about why she chose right now?

I’m so glad to hear that you’re on your feet again. You’ve been working so hard, and it’s paying off. I know it’s been a really slow, frustrating process.

I have good news too! I finished designing the new Republic City Central Station. Well, I’ve finished the first draft of it. I’m meeting with Raiko in a few days to show him what I’ve got, I have a feeling he’s going to nitpick it just to be a pain. But it’s sleek, and it’s efficient. I’ve left space in the design because I have a feeling he’s going to want to open a newsstand and some type of cafe, seeing as people often come from or are going on long trips when they use the central station.

I hate to ask, but how are the nightmares? I’ve had a couple about what happened with the Spirit Portal when I was there, and I’ve been thinking of you. I don't want either of us to suffer in silence over it when we have each other, even from half a world away.

-Asami

Asami-

I’ve had a few nightmares about that. But they’ve been more about what would’ve happened if things went wrong for you. I honestly don’t remember much of what happened. It just felt like I had been waiting a thousand years and I couldn’t see anything. I don’t know how to describe it. It didn’t feel like having my eyes closed or it just being too dark to see, it was more like there was just nothing there until I felt you. It was like you had just saved me from drowning, but I was drowning in slow motion. I wasn’t breathing but I wasn’t dying, but you came and pulled me out and then I felt everything all at once. I didn’t realize how serious the situation was until you had told me what happened and what you had to do to get me back. I think I can’t really have nightmares about what happened to me, because nothing happened. There was nothing there. But I have nightmares about me being saved and you being taken and me not being able to save you.

Kya said something about now feeling like the right time because she was starting to feel like now more than ever we need a community that goes beyond just loved ones or heritage. She talked about how it was hard for her to come out this publicly because she felt like she was kind of alone in the experience, but that she was starting to realize that if she didn’t want younger gay kids to feel that way, and the only way to make it easier for them was to step up and be who you needed when you were their age. Maybe she was putting herself out there for people still in the closet to help them come out? But if she’s not ready to be out publicly how can she find anyone else to build a community with? What did she say to you?

I can’t believe you already finished designing it! I kinda like the idea of somewhere to get food at the station. I know if I was taking the train to and from the city for work I’d want to get myself a snack. Bolin would definitely appreciate that. Have you heard from him? Apparently he’s been travelling the world trying to prevent the Earth Kingdom from falling into complete disarray, so I don’t get as much mail from him as I used to.

-Korra

Korra,

Honestly, I wasn’t scared of what might’ve happened to me. I was too focused on finding you and getting you back to really think about the what ifs. I feel like it’s all sinking in for me now, a couple months after it happened. I have nightmares about trying to save you and failing, where I feel so sure that I can do it and then I try but I can’t and then it’s too late and you’re gone forever. But at the time I wasn’t even thinking of that, I was worried in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t let myself dwell on that because finding you was the only thing that mattered. Now I’m able to look back on it and I realize how badly it could’ve ended and I lose myself fearing what could have been.

Kya just heavily implied that Ushi was more than just a good friend. She mentioned Ushi was coming to visit, and I said they must be really good friends for Ushi to come visit in the cold winter and she said “I think you’d need to be more than just ‘good friends’ to come to the South Pole for the coldest weekend of the year”. I didn’t really know what to make of that. We didn’t say much after that. It’s interesting, though, that she’s talking about the need for community without coming out to everybody. Maybe she’s dropping hints to anyone else around who’s also in the closet? Maybe she wants to start building a community quietly, that’ll grow into something loud and strong by the time she comes out?

Raiko liked the plans! He wanted to cut costs and just have stairs but I made a point to include elevators and ramps and he insisted they were unnecessary. I had to tell him I wasn’t going to budge on that, because not having elevators and ramps makes the whole station inaccessible to people who can’t do stairs. I swear, that man is completely incapable of conceiving that his reality isn’t universal.

Honestly...I’m a little worried about Bolin. I spoke with Mako recently, the woman he’s working for is questionable at best. You remember the woman who saved your dad from being thrown off the cliff by Zaheer, Kuvira? It’s her. She’s been uniting the Earth Kingdom into what she’s taken to calling the Earth Empire, but only by threatening struggling towns and provinces. She’s been temporarily trusted with whatever is left of the Earth Kingdom until Prince Wu’s coronation next year, though I don’t think Wu would make a good leader either. Mako said it’s caused a bit of a rift between them, because they’re working for two opposing sides.

-Asami

Asami,

I’ve been having nightmares about what would’ve happened if you saved me, but then you’re taken and stuck in my place, and I couldn’t get you back. I think I feel guilty for needing to be rescued when you could’ve gotten really hurt or lost forever. You shouldn’t have to put your life on the line, you never signed up for this. Can you believe that before you got here I was worried you’d get bored of me and lose touch, and instead we wound up on a mini rescue mission?

That’s so weird that Kya would just drop a hint like that completely unprompted. I think you might be onto something, suggesting that maybe she’s trying to make herself open to others in the closet. I just can’t think of anybody that might be gay. I mean, I know you can’t necessarily tell, but there’s no one I’ve ever suspected that might be gay. But I also never expected Kya to be a lesbian, so maybe I’m just not good at this.

I’m not surprised Raiko wanted to cut accessibility to save money. What a jerk. Good for you for not budging on that.

Anyway, my good news for this letter is that I’m walking more, and it’s getting easier. I’m not using my wheelchair much anymore. If I’m really tired or I’ve already done a lot and need to rest I’ll use it, but other than that I’m starting to get around by myself again and I’m feeling really happy about that. I want to get back to training soon but Katara says even when I’m walking without trouble I’ll still have to take it slow. I’m trying not to get impatient but I want to get back to fighting and being the Avatar, especially if Kuvira is running around the Earth Kingdom conquering villages. If I was already better and back to normal this wouldn’t be happening.

-Korra

Korra,

Don’t worry about Kuvira. That’s not as important as you recovering, no matter how long it takes. I know it’s frustrating, you have every right to be fed up with it. I know I would be. But don’t let that frustration push you too far too fast that you wind up getting hurt and needing to take even more time to heal. After everything that happened, there might not be a “normal” you can return to, but that’s not a bad thing. You’ll recover physically and you’ll be back to fighting but I think instead of going back to normal you’re going to grow into something even bigger. That’s sort of how traumatic experiences work. I won’t sit here and say you had to go through it to become a better Avatar, and I’m not going to say that enduring trauma is what makes you strong. You’ve been strong since the moment I met you and I can only assume that you’ve been strong all your life, and you’re already a good at being the Avatar, but I know you and I know that despite all the grief and anguish this has caused you, you’ll take it in stride and figure out how to get the most of it so that it’s not a solely destructive and horrifying experience. If anyone is to blame for Kuvira right now it’s Raiko. He’s the one who handed her the temporary power, and he’s the one who can (and should) take it away before it gets too out of hand. But he hasn’t, and it doesn’t look like he will, because he’s never done anything and he’s a coward.

I don’t want you to feel guilty at all. I’m sorry, but I’m already in too deep to just walk away. If I didn’t want to do this, I wouldn’t. I may never have physically signed a contract promising I’d be there, but every single day that I care about you I’m signing up for this. And I know you’d do the same for me. I trust that you and I can take anything that comes at us, and that we can rescue each other when needed. That’s what I meant when you and I spoke about it before I left. I’m not just a part of Team Avatar. I care about you.

-Asami

PS That’s kind of what it felt like when Kya was hinting that Ushi was more than just a friend, like she was dropping hints for someone to pick up. But instead of it being a roomful of people where anyone could be in the closet, it was just me. I’ve been thinking about it a lot...do you think she thinks I might be in the closet? She knows I dated Mako. I don’t get it.

Asami-

I really appreciate you saying all that. It’s just so hard to not feel useless being so stuck. I guess I need to keep reminding myself that I am slowly making progress, that I’m not stuck right now. Just a few months ago I couldn’t walk at all, and now I’m barely using the wheelchair. It feels so slow but it’s a lot better than where I was at just after I was poisoned. But I think after what happened with the portal while you were here, I probably won’t try meditating into the Spirit World again for a while. I don’t know when I’ll try again.

I care about you, too. And honestly, I trust you. We work well together as a team but we also can keep a level head if the other is in trouble and needs help. Like I said before, I didn’t trust Mako to come find me when I was kidnapped during the Equalist revolution, or when I was taken by a Spirit just before Harmonic Convergence, and I never felt any safer sleeping with him than I did without him. But I feel safer with you, I know we can get ourselves out of deserts and bandit ambushes, and I know that if I’m in trouble you’ll do anything to get me back instead of breaking down and letting your fears and emotions get the better of you. It means a lot to me that you decide to care about me, day after day, because I do the same for you. Thank you. You mean so much to me, so I’m scared to lose you, but I’m realizing that if you weren’t there for me the way you are, that’s losing you too.

-Korra

PS Maybe she thinks you’re bisexual? Just because you’ve dated men doesn’t mean you don’t also love women. There are also a lot of lesbians that have dated men, only to realize men just aren’t for them.


	10. "I have a horrid little fear, as you've not written, that I said something idiotic in my letter the other day"

Hey Asami,

It’s been a few weeks since I heard from you and I’m starting to get a little worried. I’m sorry if I crossed a line in suggesting you might be bisexual. We don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to. I just figured, after finding out you’ve kissed a girl before, it might be possible. I won’t press you about it, but I want you to know that I wouldn’t ever judge you.

Just...please write back to let me know that you’re safe.

-Korra


	11. "see how prompt I am in writing to you now. the truth is, I have missed you horribly this evening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the last chapter was so short and this one took a little longer but I do hope the wait was worth it <3

Korra,

I’m sorry I took so long to write back. I was thinking a lot about what you said, and didn’t know what to say, and didn’t want to write anything back until I did. And then suddenly it had been weeks since I had written to you, and I didn’t know what to say about that, either.

I’ve been thinking about this every single day, sometimes for hours. I still don’t know what to make of it or how to feel. She and I aren’t friends at all anymore. Not long after we kissed we had a huge falling out that was comparable to a breakup. It felt worse than both times Mako and I broke up. Breaking up with him definitely hurt, breakups always hurt, but losing her felt like losing a chunk of my life. And for a long time I told myself it was because she was my best friend and she kinda...chose to let go of me. I was jealous of her new boyfriend, she was spending all her time with him and only ever talked about him, and one day I just snapped and told her that it was starting to feel like she was forgetting about me, or that I was becoming second-best in her life. I didn’t tell her she had to decide between the two of us but that’s what she did and she picked him. It hurt for a long time afterwards, and I grew to hate him, and hated myself for hating him. I knew it wasn’t his fault that she decided she didn’t want me anymore, but I couldn’t help but think that if he never came along she and I would’ve been fine.

Now I’m thinking of it and realizing that even if it wasn’t him, it would’ve been a different boy. What hurt was that I didn’t understand what she could get from him that she couldn’t get from me. I didn’t understand what any boyfriend could give her that I couldn’t. We had such an intense bond and strong friendship that it was effectively a relationship without the physical intimacy. It was to me, at least.

I’m sorry. I know this is messy. I don’t know what else to say.

-Asami

Asami-

Don’t apologize! I’m just glad to hear back from you. I was starting to worry that something horrible had happened. I’m so sorry that this has been consuming you. It...kinda sounds like you might have had feelings for her. I never really had friends growing up so I’m not sure what it’s like to fall out with a friend and stop being friends with them. But from what you described, it sounds like it was more like a breakup for you than just losing a friend. And maybe that’s because you had feelings for her and didn’t even realize it at the time, or maybe you didn’t understand what you were feeling.

I spoke to Kya recently and she said that was one of the first signs for her. She was apparently really good friends with another girl training as a healer with Katara. They secretly were together, but this girl wound up breaking things off for a guy and Kya was pretty heartbroken for a while afterwards. Katara picked up on it and asked what was going on and that’s when Kya came out to her and Aang. They took it well, but because they were in the South Pole for the time being, they decided to not let anyone outside the family know. Kya was really young and didn’t feel like she was ready to come out yet anyway, and Water Tribe tradition is pretty family oriented. People aren’t homophobic, it’s just that you don’t talk about your personal life with people who aren’t your family or your close friends.

I don’t know if any of this is actually helpful, but I figured I’d share it anyway.

-Korra

PS I’m starting to walk by myself again! Not all the time, and not for very long, but I’m making a lot of progress.

Korra,

Wait, you didn’t tell Kya about this, right? I’m not ready for anyone else to know about this, if there’s even anything to know. But you might be right. I think I need to confront the fact that I likely had feelings for her, and the more I think about other girl friends I’ve had, I’m realizing that I’ve felt something more than friendship towards a few of them. Maybe that’s not the best way to describe it. I think I’ve felt anxious around some of the girl friends I’ve had because deep down I know I’m feeling something that you shouldn’t feel for someone who’s just a friend. Anxiety and, well, guilt. I feel almost ashamed sometimes that I feel this way about girls, and not just any girls, girls that I’m friends with who all have no clue what I’m thinking of or what I’m feeling. I feel like I’m lying to them.

I’m so happy you’re walking again! At this rate you’ll be back in Republic City before you know it. Maybe you can come visit soon, help me go apartment hunting?

-Asami

Asami-

Don’t worry! I didn’t tell Kya. I figure it’s your information to tell, so it would be wrong of me to share it for you. I actually went just to talk about...I guess gayness, like, in general. I’ve sorta started to look at my own experiences and wonder if I’m completely straight. I know for a fact that I like men. As disastrous as Mako and I were, I can’t deny that I was really attracted to him. And I did have feelings for him that were more than just him being a really good friend. He was my first love. And I know that it was love at one point because what I feel for him now, after breaking up, is different. Now it’s just friendship. Is he attractive? Yes. Am I attracted to him? No. Did I once love him? Yes. Do I still love him? No, not romantically, but I love him as a friend. I guess neither of us really knows what we’re feeling right now.

But I never really had girl friends growing up, so I didn’t have much of an opportunity to explore that attraction because there was nowhere to direct it. But since seeing Kya and Ushi together at that dinner I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to have a _girlfriend_ girlfriend. That has to mean something, right? I feel like straight girls don’t overthink like this. But I’ve also never tried anything with a girl so I feel like I can’t actually say or even think that I might be bi until I have. I might talk to Kya again, see what she thinks.

Katara says I can start training again in a few months. I still have a long way to go. Have you had any luck finding a new apartment yet?

-Korra

Korra,

I had no idea you were thinking about this too. It must be hard to figure out when you don’t really have any experiences that you can look at and say “yeah, this might’ve been kind of gay”. I think back on that girl and knowing what I know now, I feel like I can’t deny it anymore. Yet I’m still hesitant to just say that I’m bisexual? I don’t know why. I know I don’t need to decide anything immediately but part of me just wants to bite the bullet and say it already. I think I’m less scared of admitting it to myself and more afraid of how everyone around me will react. I’ve already lost both my parents, I don’t think I could handle losing anyone else in my life. What if Mako and Bolin aren’t okay with it? 

Honestly I was terrified to even say anything to you out of fear that you would react badly and I would lose you, too. Losing Mako and Bolin would hurt but losing you would be brutal. You being gone temporarily is hard enough. I can’t imagine losing you forever. I don’t want that to come across as resentful that you’ve been gone, I want you to do what you need to do to heal, and if being home is what you need then that’s what I want for you. It’s not that I wish you’d heal quickly or heal here, I wish that you hadn’t been so badly hurt so you could still be here and be healthy and happy. I wish that I could’ve prevented it all from happening. I can’t help but think that if I hadn’t gone with Mako and Bolin to get the Airbenders that wound up just being a trap, I could’ve been there with you and Su and Lin and your dad and maybe I could’ve helped save you from Zaheer.

I’m sorry. I just miss you.

-Asami

PS I found a cute little apartment in the city. It’s a studio. I haven’t signed the lease yet, I’m visiting it for the first time this weekend. I’ll let you know what I think! I have a good feeling about it but I don’t want to get ahead of myself just yet.

Asami-

Please don’t kick yourself for falling into Zaheer’s trap. I fell into it as much as you did, along with everyone else that was there. And I made the decision to sacrifice myself. I knew that if I was to die that the Avatar would at least be reborn, but the Airbenders were not replaceable. I didn’t realize that Zaheer was going to try to put an end to the Avatar cycle, but I walked into it knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn’t make it out alive, and I was okay with that if it meant saving the Airbenders. The world had been out of balance for so long without them, I wasn’t about to risk letting them be wiped out again. There’s always another Avatar but it’s rare that an entire people can be reborn.

It’s been really hard for me to accept but there was nothing that could have saved me from Zaheer taking me and poisoning me. If Su and Lin and my dad and everyone else there couldn’t save me, nothing could have. I was powerless. We all were. That’s the nature of trauma: something happens to you, and you spend so much time and energy thinking of all the other ways it could’ve played out had you just done something differently, but the scary truth is that there are some things that are just beyond our control. Sometimes it’s something completely beyond anyone’s control, like a natural disaster or a deadly disease, and sometimes it’s something that someone else does to you. You don’t have control over either of those things. Storms, floods, and tornados will happen no matter what. And if someone wants to hurt you, they will. There’s a million different ways that day could have gone but I think that all those possibilities would have resulted in me getting poisoned. It’s not your fault. The only person to blame is Zaheer.

What you did that day, and in the aftermath, matters. Had you and Mako and Bolin not gone to get the Airbenders, Tenzin would have died. And then you helped save the Airbenders, who in turn helped save me from Zaheer. He would have finished the job had the Airbenders not come along and pulled us both back down with that wind tunnel. Su never would have gotten the poison out of me if Jinora didn’t recognize that it was metallic, and she couldn’t have been there without you. Saving someone isn’t fighting their battles for them. It’s doing what you can within your power to change the circumstances and in turn change the outcome, and that’s exactly what you did. That’s what you’ve done since that day, too. You can’t save me from the nightmares and you can’t heal me, but you’ve been there the whole way and without your love and your support this would have been so much harder and I doubt I would have made as much progress as I have. Please don’t think that you haven’t done enough because you’ve done so, so much and I’m so thankful for you.

I spoke with Kya again. We talked for hours a few nights ago, and she agreed that straight people don’t think this much about whether or not the things they’re feeling are gay. But it’s still difficult for me because I don’t have much to work with. I didn’t have any girl friends growing up that I can reflect on, but I always felt drawn to Kya as a mentor. I figured it was because she’s Aang’s daughter and my Avatar spirit felt a connection to her but she mentioned that sometimes when you’re young and you don’t know you’re gay yet, you find yourself drawn to other gays because there’s something familiar about them, even if you can’t recognize it just yet. And it got me thinking...maybe that’s one of the reasons you and I are so drawn to each other? Maybe we recognized gayness in one another before we recognized it in ourselves.

Anyway, let me know about the apartment you saw! And send pictures if you have any. I’d love to see it.

-Korra

Korra,

I see what you mean, that saving someone isn’t fighting their battles for them. What I really like about us is that we trust one another in situations like that, we don’t try to fight each other’s battles, we take them on together as a team. I still can’t help but wish I could have rescued you, though. Like I said before, I get nightmares of what life would look like if you didn’t survive. And it makes me worry about the future. What if next time you don't survive?

That makes a lot of sense, what Kya said about familiarity even if you can’t recognize that it’s gay. And I guess when you have no experiences with girl friends to reflect on that only makes that familiarity carry more weight. Do you think that’s why Kya invited you guys to that dinner with Ushi? Shit, maybe that’s why she made a point to tell me that she had a girl friend coming to visit. Maybe she recognized it in both of us but because neither of us were able to see it for what it was, she tried to nudge us in the right direction.

I’m signing a lease for the apartment this weekend! Here’s some pictures. It’s pretty small, but that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be reminded of the mansion. I don’t want empty space. I feel like it just allows the past to linger and haunt you. So for now, something small and cozy is exactly what I need. 

How’s walking going?

-Asami

Asami-

I mean...I may not have any experiences with girl friends from my childhood, but I definitely have some stuff to reflect on. This realization didn’t come just from Kya pointing it out. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she recognized it in both of us and took it upon herself to help us recognize it for what it is. I’m kinda glad that she did.

I could say the exact same about you. Don’t you know how terrifying it is knowing that you’ve repeatedly risked your life all because you got roped into my Avatar shit? You didn’t ask for any of this and it’s put you in a lot of danger. There’s a reason why my nightmares nowadays are less about me being poisoned and more about losing you in battle. It’s horrible to think that anyone would sacrifice themselves because I dragged them into Avatar business but I think if I were to lose you that way, I’d never be the same.

I’m not using my crutches much at all these days! I still keep them around just in case, but I’m walking like I used to. Katara says if I keep it up, I can start training again in 6 weeks or so. I’ll still have to keep it pretty tame, though.

-Korra

PS Your new place looks so cozy. I can’t wait to visit. I told Mom you got a new place so she made a pelt for you, I know you weren't expecting this to be a package but housewarming gifts are an important Water Tribe custom and she wanted to send it right away. She and Dad send their love.

Korra,

I need you to know that every time I’ve gotten involved with Avatar stuff is a choice I make. I know I don’t have to be there. But I have signed up for this. I signed up for this all those years ago the second I shocked my own father with his Equalist glove, and I sign up for it again and again. I know that you didn’t sign up for this, but I did, and I don’t plan on signing off any time soon. You’re not the only one who’s headstrong. I want to do this, and you can’t stop me. I’m just as scared of you being hurt or killed as you are of the same happening to me, so I’m going to be there and do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I know I can’t fight your battles for you, and I don’t intend to. I know you can hold your own. But I’m going to be there to change the circumstances and hope that that changes the outcome.

I’m confused...are you saying you have had some gay experiences? I thought you said you didn’t have much from your childhood to reflect on. Unless, is this you saying that something happened later, more recently?

-Asami

PS I can’t wait for you to see this place. I just moved in a few days ago and I love it. It’s never fully dark because of the city lights, and I kind of like that. It’s always alive inside. It’s just enough. And the pelt is wonderful, please pass along my thanks to Senna.


	12. "don't tell me that this is an illusion"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so sorry it's been like almost two weeks, life has been pretty busy, but wow writing this felt good and I'm a little high.

Asami-

This is really scary for me to admit, but I've had some...moments with someone. At least, I think I have? They feel like moments to me but I don't know if it's one sided or not and that's kinda what makes it so hard for me to process or talk about. And I don't even know what a moment is even supposed to be when it's with a girl. It's easier with guys to tell the difference between friendship and having feelings. It was easy for me to recognize that I had feelings for Mako, and it was even easier to realize that I'd lost them. I don't know why it's easier with guys. I'm worried that because I didn't have any girl friends growing up I don't know what it's supposed to feel like to have a girl who's a close friend, that maybe I'm just looking at whatever these moments are and thinking that it's more than friendship because I don't know what friendship with a girl is supposed to be. What are the moments you've had that have felt gay? Is that too personal? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

I think it's just hard for me to understand why you choose to do this, again and again. Getting sucked into my Avatar bullshit led to you losing your father, and it's dangerous. I hate knowing that if I had never dragged you into this you might still have your dad and you would be safe. I'm really thankful we work so well together, though. I think you and I trust each other and trust in one another's capabilities enough to get shit done. I don't think I could've escaped that airship in the desert with anyone else. I don't think anyone else would've kept a cool enough head to save me like you did while you were here. How many times do we have to talk about how well we work together before we stop feeling guilty for not saving or endangering each other? Rationally I know you don't have to be here and that you're choosing to do it every time and I'm so thankful that you do but I don't know how to stop feeling guilty that it's something that you even have to choose in the first place.

-Korra

Korra,

I would've lost my father whether I joined Team Avatar or not. No matter what, he was designing weapons and arming the Equalists, and eventually I would have found out and joined you guys to fight against them. I care about what Team Avatar does, and I care about you, so I'm going to keep choosing it. I understand why you feel guilty and I don't want to tell you how to feel or discredit what you're feeling, and I'm sure you feel the same exact way about me feeling like I could have done more to save you from Zaheer. The truth is exactly what you said a couple months ago: there are some things that are just beyond our control. But I want to add to that and say that we have control over our own actions and choices. Nobody could have saved you from Zaheer but I made the decision to be there for you however you needed me, and you made the decision to let me be there. And look what's come of it. We're healing some really old wounds together. We've become so close that we often talk about how special this is. We're discovering our own latent bisexualty together.

Speaking of which, I've definitely had a lot of moments. The first one being me kissing my friend to help her practice for her boyfriend. A lot of my moments revolve around physical intimacy that matches a level of emotional intimacy with another woman. I've had moments where a woman I'm close friends with is having a really hard time and I know that what's appropriate is to hug her or maybe hold her hand but I want to kiss her forehead and hold her close as she cries while I stroke her hair. Or she'll have really exciting news and she's just bouncing around, a big stupid grin on her face, and I know that I should only want to jump around with her but I want her to jump into my arms and kiss her hard and because I'm just bursting with joy and pride for her. And I think I'm finally ready to admit to myself that that's just not how you feel about someone who's just a friend, that's how you feel about someone you're in love with. And if I can be in love with a woman maybe I just need to say fuck it and accept that I'm bisexual.

What are some of the moments you've had?

-Asami

Asami-

I guess you're right. Is it weird that realizing you would've eventually joined Team Avatar made me think, "maybe this was meant to be"? Is it dramatic to think maybe this was fate? I may or may not have had a little too much ice wine tonight. Sorry. This is gonna be a little sloppy. You've seen me drunk, you know what to expect by now.

I think my moments are a lot of catching myself gazing. I don't realize that I've been watching a woman brushing her hair or walking ahead of me or doing anything, really, until I realize I've forgotten to breathe. And then suddenly I have to catch my breath without gasping and accidentally drawing attention to the fact that I've just been watching her in awe. I get the physical intimacy, too. Walking side by side but just close enough that sometimes our shoulders touch or our elbows brush and I want to reach out and take her hand but instead as soon as I feel her skin touch mine I panic and pull away. I don't know why. When I told Kya about this she said that straight women don't feel this way and they certainly don't overthink simple touches. They don't want to hold hands and kiss and cuddle.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to talk to about this.

-Korra

Korra,

That's actually exactly what I thought when I was writing that last letter: maybe this was fate. Maybe this is exactly what was supposed to happen, because it would've happened no matter how this all played out. But then I think about the bad things that have happened in my life, like my mother's murder or you being poisoned, and I wonder, is that fate too? Is fate reserved for what is good, or can fate really exist for the good without first bringing some bad? I don't like when people tell me that everything happens for a reason, that me losing my mother so young or my father being imprisoned or you being poisoned was meant to happen or has some sort of bright side. I don't want to ignore how harmful those things have been. They were wrong and unfair and nobody deserves to go through any of them. But does that also mean that people don't deserve what is good? Now it's my turn to be hitting the wine.

Spirits, I know exactly what you mean. I got so anxious at sleepovers when I'd share a bed with a girl. I used to lie awake making sure that she fell asleep first so I wouldn't fall asleep and accidentally roll too close to her while she was still up. Which is honestly not something to worry about, people roll around in their sleep, but I was so worried it would happen and she would think I was trying something and get freaked out. Sometimes I would lie there and feel like there was electricity just brimming in the space between our bodies and the only way to get any relief would be to finally just touch her and get that electric shock to break the static and the silence. But what if that happened and it blew up in my face? And then I would lie awake and hate myself for wanting to roll over and just hold her and kiss her shoulder and feel her sleepily fold herself into my arms. I want to do all the things I do with guys I've dated.

But I feel so guilty for wanting that with women who only want to be my friend. I think the anxiety is similar to yours when you pull away after accidentally touch a woman, you feel like you're being gross towards her. You're worried that it's going to make her uncomfortable, or that she'll find out the secrets you've been keeping and tell everyone.

-Asami

Asami-

I've been trying to let myself be thankful for the lessons I've learned in the bad things while also knowing that they shouldn't have happened and let myself be mad at how unfair it is. I'm always going to be angry that I was poisoned. But I think having control taken away from me, and after almost losing my Avatar identity, several times, actually, thanks to Amon and Unalaq, where was I going with this sentence? Losing control and my Avatar identity made me realize how scary it is for others to lose control, and it pushed me to realize that...I'm only human. Losing control and surviving something so scary, and still having little control over my own body puts everyone else's struggles into a whole new perspective. Everyone has been hurt and scared over something beyond their control and it can turn us kind or cold. Amon was raised by a horrible man to blood bend and it hurt him, and he went and scared an entire city and every bender he tried to take bending away from. But he did it because he knew what it was like to be scared. And nobody gave him any sympathy for the horrible childhood he had. But you...you lost your mother, and your father, to animosity between benders and nonbenders. And you could've put on that Equalist glove and joined Amon and your father. But you didn't. You remembered how scared and hurt you were, and wanted to protect others from being scared and hurt, so you fought to restore peace. You still do. That's what you do when you sign up for this every day, you choose to help keep balance in the world.

And being repeatedly separated from my Avatar identity has been humbling. It forces me to acknowledge that sometimes, power isn't the insurmountable force. I couldn't overpower Zaheer on my own. It was the rest of the Team and the Airbenders that saved me, because they, too, cared about keeping balance in the world. Sometimes sheer power is nothing against love and community and protectiveness. Being the most powerful person in the world or being the Avatar means nothing without love, without friends, without the family you create.

I get that, the fear of sleeping too close but really wishing you could be wrapped up in each other. Except I don't feel too guilty, I just feel almost...hurt? I feel almost bummed that the girl I'm lying next to didn't make a move, that she didn't "accidentally" roll too close to me so I could "accidentally" curl into her. I guess because I'm too scared to do it myself in case I scare her off.

-Korra

Korra,

You're so right. You put into words what I've been trying, and failing, to articulate. I can be angry about the things that have happened, and I can feel scared and hurt because of them, but I can also make the most of those bad things by taking lessons from them. If something bad has to happen to me, I'm going to at least take something out of it. It doesn't get to be something that is solely destructive, not when I can learn from it or let it push me to be a better person. I want you to know, though, that it wasn't just a desire to keep balance in the world that pushed me to sign up for this, again and again. You're a huge part of the reason. You've become a bigger and bigger part over the years. This is because I want to be there with you, too.

Wait. I thought you didn't have any girl friends growing up to have sleepovers with?

-Asami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was absolutely thinking about that tiktok that's like "straight girls don't get nervous when a girl tucks the tag back into their shirt". anw korra is a bottom


	13. "how do you do it? how do you walk along that razor-edge without falling?"

Asami-

I didn't really have any friends to have sleepovers with, so I never had any growing up. Even if I had friends I don't think my parents would've allowed it, not after the Red Lotus tried to take me. But everything that you said about sharing a bed with a girl you're friends with hit a nerve. It felt so...familiar. I shared a bed with a girl and it was really late and I was getting kind of tired anyway, so I pretended to be asleep, almost hoping she would kiss my forehead goodnight. She didn't. Instead I felt her roll over, and I opened my eyes and realized she was all the way on the other side of the bed. And I felt hurt, even though she and I are just friends. I think.

How's the new apartment? Are you all moved in yet?

-Korra

Korra,

I've had similar nights...nights spent sleeping so far away from a girl even though you're in the same bed, and the space between the two of you feels so powerful? As if it's warm and pulling you into it and you have to resist the urge. And then you wind up feeling guilty for wanting to be that close to her at all. Did you try getting closer to her when that happened, or try saying something?

I just finished moving all my stuff last night! Now I have to unpack all of it. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm sending this letter from my new address, so be sure to write back here and not to the mansion. It's still technically mine and I'll keep using it for the workshop, but this is my home now.

-Asami

Asami-

I didn't say a thing. I didn't even try to move closer. When I saw how much space there was between us my stomach sank because I realized that she'd rolled that far away from me while she was still awake, which meant she wanted to be that far away. She wanted that distance between us and I didn't want to intrude. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I thought about saying that she didn't have to be so far away but worried that would come across wrong. I just laid awake, kinda tipsy, waiting to see if she'd come closer so I could, too. She never did and eventually I fell asleep. Did you wind up moving closer to her?

-Korra

Korra,

I didn't move closer at all. But sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I did, I wonder how she would've reacted. Now that you're saying you've been in a similar position and wanted her to move closer, I'm wondering if that's what she wanted. But I'm pretty sure that at that point she was already asleep and I didn't want to make it weird or for her to wake up to me right next to her in case it freaked her out. Do you think I should've gone for it? Do you regret not doing anything?

-Asami

Asami-

I don't know that regret is the right word. I think in the moment I was doing the right thing for both of us at the time, because it's hard to just make a move on a girl when you don't even know if she's into girls, let alone into you. It's so hard to gauge. And it's really hard when you don't even fully understand your own feelings yet. At that point the possibility of being bi hadn't even crossed my mind, but the more I think of this girl, the more I begin to wonder if maybe what I feel for her has been something more than friendship for a little while now.

I wonder about what would've happened if I did say something. I think about it every day, and I wonder every day when I'll ever get the chance to make a move on her again.

-Korra

PS I think you should've made a move. You're a catch, anyone would want to be that close to you if given the chance.

Korra,

It sounds like you might still have feelings for this girl. I don't think you hope for a second chance to make a move on someone if they're just a good friend. Maybe you should tell her how you feel? Or at least make plans to see each other again so you can have another chance to make a move. I totally get how you feel though. I find myself hoping I get another chance to share a bed with her so I could stay close to her and see how she reacts. I think I would have, if she hadn't been drinking that night. As much as I wanted to it wouldn't have been right for me to take advantage of her like that. Not that I would've pulled anything more than just holding her or kissing her, but even that feels wrong when you don't know how she's really feeling and there's a chance she's only okay with it in the moment because she's not thinking clearly. Maybe next time.

-Asami

PS How recent was this night, exactly, if you didn't have any sleepovers growing up?

Asami-

I want to tell her but I'm scared of ruining our friendship. I'm scared that maybe I've read everything wrong and it's all in my head and she just sees us as really good friends. I was pretty tipsy the night this happened and I sometimes wonder if, because I wasn't fully coherent, I might've misinterpreted everything that happened. But at the same time it felt so real. We were up so late because we just wanted to spend as much time together as we could, sharing secrets, and I felt so drawn to her the whole night, almost like her skin was taunting me. She was so close and the physical act of reaching for her would have been so easy but that distance felt so deep that I couldn't possibly cross it.

Anyway. When are you gonna come visit me again? I'm back to walking normally and training. We can actually do things this time. And I miss you.

-Korra

PS This was...not that long ago.

Korra,

I think it's worth saying something. Even if just to find out to give you peace of mind. If she's really your friend she won't be gross about it. And who knows, maybe she feels the exact same way.

I'm going to ask something really scary. I've been wondering it for a little while now and I think I should just say fuck it and ask, put my money where my mouth is. Expose myself. So here goes. The night I'm talking about was pretty recent too. She and I had been drinking, so were you and her. The way we're describing it...it almost sounds like it was the same night. Is it?

-Asami

PS I miss you, too. I'd love to come visit soon.


	14. "yes yes yes I do like you. I am afraid to write the stronger word."

Asami-

If you’re talking about the night that you snuck wine into my room after my parents went to bed and we stayed up late talking about first kisses and marriage then, yes. We’re talking about the same night.

I’m sorry I pretended to be asleep. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. If I had known...I would’ve done something, anything.

I don’t know what else to say. My hands are shaking as I write this.

-Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last update probably for a couple weeks...got a lot going on but hopefully this'll be enough in the meantime <3


	15. "I always get devastated when I hear from you"

Korra,

Spirits, you have no idea how relieved I was to find out we were talking about the same night. I’ve been anxious ever since I sent that letter. And yet when your response arrived, I froze. The couple weeks of waiting I played out all the possibilities in my head: you not feeling the same way and never responding, you responding to say that it wasn’t the same night and it was with a different girl, you saying it was the same night...in all these scenes playing out in my head, I saw myself finally getting a letter from you and tearing it open before I even unlocked the door to my apartment because I was so desperate to know. I rushed to the mailbox every day I came home from work hoping to hear back, and every day I didn’t I’d have to talk myself down and remind myself that it probably took a week for my letter to reach you, and it would take another week to get your response once you sent it. But it was so difficult not to wonder how long it would take for you to respond, if you even would at all.

Anyway. The day I finally got your letter, I rushed into the apartment and sat on my couch, looking at the envelope on the coffee table in front of me. I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I was so scared that as soon as I did, I would read that you weren’t talking about the same night, and our friendship would never be the same again. I think I wanted to hold on to whatever it is we have a little while longer before potentially losing it. And then I realized it didn’t matter how long I put off reading the letter, your response was already written down, it wasn’t about to change to whatever I hoped it would be if I put it off...I might as well just read it already.

What does all of this mean?

-Asami

Asami-

Oof, I’m sorry you were so anxious all that time. I wish there was a faster way to communicate. Being so far away from you and Republic City is starting to become more detrimental than it is helpful. I’m getting antsy staying here.

I think this means...we might have feelings for each other? I realized that in all the times we talk about how much we mean to each other we tend to avoid calling it friendship. It’s always about how special our bond is, how well we work together, how much we care for one another. Consciously or not, we don’t seem to want to limit whatever it is to just friends. I feel like that has to mean something. Does it?

-Korra

Korra,

I hate to say it, but you’ve been anxious to get back since the moment you set foot on that ship to return to the South Pole a couple years ago. Are you thinking of coming back soon? I’d love for that...but I don’t want you to rush yourself.

I was thinking the same thing. I was scared that if I labelled it as friendship I would be clipping its wings, preventing it from becoming anything more than that. I think it means, at least on my end, what I feel for you cannot be adequately described as just friendship. The word doesn’t capture what’s really there for me. Friendship isn’t strong or big enough to hold all the care and trust that’s there.

What does it mean to you?

-Asami

Asami-

You’re right. I’ve been itching to get back this whole time. But this feels different. This feels less like a strong pull to leave and get healing over with, it’s more like feeling stuck. I’ve come a long way the past two years. But I feel like I’ve sort of hit a wall. I’m back on my feet, I’m training again, but I still can’t get into the Avatar state and I feel like I’ve healed, but I haven’t grown just yet. Katara says that I  _ have _ grown a lot, and maybe she’s right, but I feel like staying here will just stunt that growth. The thought of seeing you again makes returning all the more enticing.

For me, I think I was kind of already aware that whatever we have isn’t just friendship. Whether or not it would become anything more, what it is and what it has been for a while is more than friendship. But I was so scared to say anything in case you didn’t feel the same way. I thought about saying something when you were here, or telling you in that letter I wrote for you to come home to, but I was scared that if I did you’d never want to come back. And it was so hard for me to figure out whether or not it was more than friendship just because, well, you know. I’ve never had a best girl friend. I wasn’t sure what that was supposed to feel like and with how messed up I’ve been the past couple years, I didn’t know what to make of it all. But it’s become clearer over time that I have feelings for you that I’m pretty sure straight girls don’t feel about their best friends. That night we were talking about made me realize that this couldn’t be just friendship.

When did you know how you felt?

-Korra

Korra,

I’m almost as anxious admitting this as I was asking if we were talking about the same night. You know when we were all at the South Pole for the Glacier Spirits Festival when Harmonic Convergence happened? The Civil War, me trying to save my company, you know. We went back to Republic City to try to get Raiko to help out, which of course he didn’t, and you and I ran into each other to see Varrick. We walked up the stairs to find him, blindfolded, shooting arrows at a target that I nearly walked right into. You grabbed me and pulled me back to save me from being shot. Before I even realized what you were saving me from, I got that weird, warm feeling in my stomach when you grabbed my arm and pulled me close to you.

I didn’t think of it too much then. I tried to push it out of my mind and I tried to convince myself that it was just the rush of adrenaline from almost getting hit. And, to some extent, it was that. But that feeling was there before I even noticed what was going on, it was there because you touched me in a way you hadn’t ever touched me before. It was a moment that was easy for me to rationalize as adrenaline until I started noticing how often I felt that way around you, whenever we were close or laughing together or even getting out of sticky situations like the desert.

When you left Republic City after being poisoned, it all started gnawing at me. I realized that I was worried sick about you that moment that you came crashing down with Zaheer, eyes flickering, and then they closed. Everything around me in that moment felt heavy. Like the tension and the weight of how scared I was for you had just fallen onto my shoulders and I was struggling to hold it all that I couldn’t stand straight. I actually don’t think I breathed at all while Su metal-bended the poison out of your system. Again, in the moment I didn’t think too much of it. I’d just witnessed my closest friend almost dying, of course it was going to be a heavy moment. But once you were gone and things slowed down a little and I realized just how much I missed you, and how much I was thinking of you, I started to wonder what you really meant to me. I kept trying to brush it all off as just being concerned for my friend, but after visiting you and spending all that one-on-one time, I had to confront what I was feeling. The whole time I was with you I caught myself wanting to stroke your hair or hold your hand. And I kept it all to myself because I felt so guilty for feeling that way about you, my friend, when you were clearly still struggling and trying to heal, so I never said anything. I didn’t want to add any more stress in your life. And after everything that happened with Kimiko...I didn’t want to risk losing you, too, the way I lost her.

When did you know? Was that night the night you realized?

-Asami

PS Maybe you’re feeling stuck because you’ve done all the healing you can do in the South Pole. Do you think coming back to Republic City would help push you past this wall? I would love to see you, too, but please don’t risk your growth because of me. I’ll come to you. You know I will. Just say the word, and I’ll be on the next ship to the South Pole.

Asami-

Oh man, I had completely forgotten about that incident with Varrick. Would you be mad if I actually laughed when I read that? I had no idea you were feeling like this from such an early point. But I think I’ve got you beat.

I didn’t really realize what I was feeling until that night, but as soon as it clicked for me that maybe I wasn’t straight and maybe I had feelings for you, I started looking at all those moments from a different angle. I think the first time I felt attracted to you was when you took me around the race track. I felt so excited and calm all at once. Like I’d finally met my match. I spent my whole life being told I needed to cool off, but you were the first person to actually encourage my wild side. Until that moment I didn’t really like you because Mako had chosen you over me, but going around that track I remember thinking it was gonna be hard to dislike you now. And from then on I just really enjoyed being around you, each time more so than the last. We were a little distant while I was with Mako, which checks out, it’s probably weird to be friends with your ex and his new girlfriend. But after that? I just wanted to be around you as much as possible. I found myself feeling glad that Mako and Bolin split off from us when we were looking for Aiwei. I felt excited and almost, well, special I guess is the best word, every time we sat next to each other for a meal in Zaofu at Su’s place. Like...she wants to sit next to me! Even getting out of the desert was fun because I was with you. With anyone else it would’ve been stressful but with you I felt safe because I knew we could get out of it, I knew you wouldn’t find something to argue about the way Mako always did, and I knew we’d find some way to make it entertaining.

And then you helped me get ready for Jinora’s ceremony just before I left. I was miserable. And even though I felt horrible, getting that alone time with you was like a tiny ray of sunshine making its way through grey storm clouds. I remember how at peace I felt when you ran your fingers through my hair. You knelt down in front of me and held my hand and told me you were there for me, whatever I needed. Looking back, I felt something in that moment, but because of everything my body had just gone through I assumed I was just emotionally exhausted and physically anxious. I need you to know that I held onto that moment the first few months I spent in the South Pole. It kept me going. Thank you.

-Korra

PS You know I would love to see you again. Tenzin is actually due to come visit in two months time to check on my progress, you could always come with him? And who knows, if all goes well, I’ll go back to Republic City with you guys!


	16. "I have a perfectly romantic and no doubt untrue vision of you in my mind"

Korra,

Tenzin had mentioned he was going to the South Pole! I had no idea it was happening so soon. How are you feeling about that? I know I would be anxious. Honestly, I’ve been a ball of anxiety these past few weeks. The station is about half-built and Raiko still hasn’t come to check it out. I wish he would, because if it turns out he doesn’t like it and it’s almost finished it’ll be such a pain to start from scratch.

That’s not even important right now. I’d love to come with him to visit...but how should I approach him about this? I’m not ready for anyone to know about me being bisexual so I don’t want to say that I’d like to go all the way to the South Pole with him to kiss you. I mean, obviously that’s not the only reason for me coming to visit. I miss you and it’s been over a year since we saw each other and I can’t wait to see how far you’ve come. Is it weird that I also kinda miss your parents too?

-Asami

Asami-

Spirits, Raiko is useless. If he really tries to get you to start over I’m gonna bring myself all the way back to Republic City just to go all Avatar State on him. If I could get into the Avatar State. I still can’t. I’m worried that Tenzin’s going to want to keep me here until I can. So, to answer your question, yeah. I’m anxious.

I actually just got a letter from Tenzin about his visit, I’ll write back asking if you can tag along with him. I’m sure he’ll be happy you take you. I won’t mention anything that might tip him off, though, I’m not really ready for anyone else to know either. Besides you and Kya.

I can’t believe you’ll be here soon. I can’t believe we’ll finally get to kiss, that when we’re lying in bed neither of us has to feel like we need to keep enough space between us, that I can just roll over and wrap myself around you. We can spend all night kissing, and touching…

-Korra

PS not weird at all. My parents adore you and can’t wait to see you.

Korra,

That little “dot dot dot” of yours...how I wish you’d gone on to tell me what else you were thinking. Because I’m thinking of it, too. It’s almost distracting sometimes, imagining all the things we’ll be doing in just a few weeks. You don’t know how much I want to kiss your lips ever so lightly, leaving you hungry for more, only to kiss your chin, then your neck, your collarbones, further and further down.

Anyway. Tenzin stopped by the other day, not long after I got your last letter. He’s looking forward to seeing you, and he asked how you were doing. I slipped up and told him that you said you were doing a lot better but still couldn’t get into the Avatar State. I’m sorry. I know we’ve been keeping our contact quiet. I asked him not to tell anyone that we’d been writing back and forth because you didn’t want anyone else to feel forgotten about and he said he wouldn’t say anything to anybody, and that he had figured we were at least writing to one another if I was planning on visiting. I don’t think he suspects a thing, though.

I can’t wait to see you.

-Asami

PS What makes you think you’ll be the big spoon, Avatar?

Asami-

You are such a tease, leaving my imagination to run wild like that. I need to be honest though. I’ve never had sex with another woman, so I really don’t know what I’m doing. And we’ll definitely need to be quiet. I really don’t want my parents to hear. I don’t want to come out to them just yet and I don’t think I could ever look at them again if they ever heard me having sex.

Also, it’s okay that you slipped up and told Tenzin, I had mentioned to him in my letter that you and I were writing back and forth. I figure if he’s gonna be bringing you to visit me, he’ll assume that we’re at least having some contact. Word got round to Kya though, who asked me if what she was thinking was going on was in fact “going on”. I didn’t give her a yes or no answer. I just smiled and shrugged. I feel like she wouldn’t tell anybody because she kinda knows what this is like. I kinda want to tell her about it though? I wanna thank her for her guidance. Let me know where you’re at, if you don’t want her to know I won’t say anything.

-Korra

PS I’m the big spoon because I’m the Avatar so I gotta protect you while you’re sleeping. And because I say so.

Korra,

Honestly...I’ve never had sex with another women, either. I’m a little relieved we’re in the same boat. But at the same time I’m not too anxious over it? I feel like we know each other and trust each other so much, there’s no reason it won’t feel that way when we’re having sex. Everything between us seems to just flow so naturally. But, I like the challenge behind making it difficult for you to stay quiet. One thing you should know about me: I’m all about a slow, teasing build. I love to drive someone crazy almost to the point of begging and I have a feeling I’m going to love building that tension with you. 

That said, this has been building for so long, I might just cave with you as soon as I get the chance.

I was kind of thinking of thanking Kya, too. If she hadn’t talked to me about this while I was visiting you I don’t know how long it would’ve been before I started actually acknowledging and accepting my bisexuality. Maybe...we can tell her together while I’m there? Although it looks like she might already have figured it out for herself. Still, I’m sure she would love to hear about it in person, and I would love to thank her.

Can you believe we’ll be seeing each other in less than a month?

-Asami

PS Sure, you’re the Avatar and you can protect me, but sometimes the Avatar needs protecting, too. I want to keep you safe in my arms as much as you want to keep me in yours.


	17. "I write to you differently now you're coming back"

Asami-

I can’t believe you’re gonna be here in two weeks! It’s so soon but it feels so far away. Every day that passes feels longer than the last. I’m so impatient. I want to do so much with you, so much that we couldn’t do last time because I couldn’t walk and then I was just gone for a few days. I still haven’t tried to go to the Spirit World or go into the Avatar State, if I’m being completely honest. I’m scared after what happened last time. I’ve been training so hard and I’m doing so much better than I was but I still feel like once Tenzin finds out I’ve been trapped spiritually he won’t let me come back to Republic City with you. I don’t know what I’d do.

I don’t want to focus on that. I’m not about to let that get in the way of spending a whole week with you. I’m just happy I’ll finally get to see you again. Is that too eager?

-Korra

Korra,

Wait, you haven’t been back to the Spirit World? I thought it was just the Avatar State. We can go together, if you like. We can just walk in through the portal. At the end of the day, I think Tenzin’s going to notice how hard you’ve worked and how far you’ve come. The fact that you’re back to sparring and training is something to be really proud of. And honestly, if Tenzin is hesitant, we can probably convince him to bring you back. He might be able to help guide you into the Avatar State, or maybe Jinora could. There’s a benefit to you coming back that would be hard to argue with. You’re also an adult who can decide for herself whether or not she’s ready. Even if Tenzin refuses, what’s to stop you from hopping on the next ship?

I can’t wait to see you. I’m already packing my stuff even though I still have a week until I leave, so I’m eager for sure.

I’ll see you in a week, Avatar.

-Asami

Asami-

Yeah...I’ve avoided the Spirit World. I’m worried that if I try to walk into the portal I’ll get stuck again and this time might not come back. And I don’t really want you to have to go on another rescue mission for me, I don’t want to lose days with you when there’s still a chance that this week will be the only time we get to spend together for a while. I don’t want to waste it. I want us to be able to relax for once. Don’t we deserve that? Don’t get me wrong, it seems like whatever we do, whatever is thrown at us, we take it in stride together and even make it fun. There’s nobody else I would rather be stuck in the desert with. But boy would it be nice to have no missions, no threats, just you and I enjoying some peace together. And then we’ll head back to Republic City together and be back to business.

I hope this letter reaches you before you leave. Safe travels, and I’ll see you so soon.

-Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! been v busy with school and storyboarding the second visit, and writing the first one. my plan is to post the first chapter of the first visit immediately after I post the last chapter to this portion of the fic! I'm super pumped for yall to read it <3


	18. "I feel torn in a thousand pieces...I can't tell you how I hate leaving you"

Korra,

I’m writing this without even stopping to unpack my bags first...I’m a little concerned that I didn’t come home to a letter from you. Please respond to this, if only to let me know that you’re okay.

I miss you. I wish you could be here.

-Asami


	19. "I say I'm tired when really I'm furious"

Asami-

I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner. After Zaheer poisoned me and I had to come home I felt like the world came to a screeching halt, and it never started back up again. The past couple years have felt so stagnant but everything about the past few weeks has been a really horrible wakeup call for me. I knew that the world kept spinning, but I wasn't brought along with it and everyone else. I didn’t fully understand just far things had moved along without me until you and Tenzin came to visit, and now it feels like I have so much catching up to do, but I can’t because I’m still fucking stuck here, all because I couldn’t even put up a good fight in a sparring match. And the only reason I couldn’t is because I’m haunted by either Zaheer or myself. I’m starting to think that maybe you’re right about this vision of myself that I keep seeing but even just entertaining that possibility makes me angry and upset all over again. What am I supposed to do if I’m stuck with her for the rest of my life? I tire myself out trying to answer that question.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be in the South Pole anymore but I don’t know where I’m supposed to go if everybody thinks I’m still not ready to return. I was feeling hopeful for the first time in years...I really thought that I would be coming back to Republic City with you. Being without you again is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't think I was ready for it. I really miss you.

Love,

Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys, I'm so looking forward to finishing the other two fics so you can read what happens when they're reunited, being kinda cryptic in these letters feels like sitting on a secret that I can't wait to share.


	20. "I wish you were sitting in the chair opposite"

Korra,

I can’t imagine how jarring it must’ve been to find out about everything that’s going on. I’d be terrified. I’d feel like I woke up from a deep sleep only to find myself in a reality even worse than my nightmare. What was most surprising when I found out about my dad’s Equalist workshop was that I didn’t feel woozy. You’d think it would have been too much for me to take until it overloaded and spilled out to make a foggy haze but instead I felt like someone had just smacked me across the face. It was, well, shocking. I was painfully present and aware of absolutely everything. I couldn’t get a moment’s peace. I couldn’t wind back down. I don’t think I started to feel normal again until after my dad was put in prison. Things dampened after that. I guess leaving Republic City to go to the South Pole with the rest of the team removed myself from the situation and gave me something to direct my attention away to. By the time I came back I’d adjusted to life without him. I was happy to be working on something so important as the Air Nation, I was happy to be spending so much time with you. It was hard to be miserable with you around.

There must be some way to figure out what this vision really is, whether it’s your mind playing some really sick tricks on you or, you know. Does she ever say anything? Can you voluntarily make contact with her, or does she always turn up on you?

I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t say I was relieved to just hear from you.

Love,

Asami

Asami-

Honestly? I don’t feel shocked at all and that makes this even harder. Like there was something deep inside me that already knew I wasn’t ready to come back yet, and I fooled myself into thinking that I was. I feel stuck. I feel the same way I did when I first got here and that sucks because so much has changed and somehow I’m still not ready. It feels like all those years when I still couldn’t Airbend no matter how hard I tried, but worse, because at least back then I didn’t know what Airbending felt like so I couldn’t miss it. I know what I’m missing now and, fuck, I miss it.

Maybe I just need to remove myself from the situation the same way you did. Maybe the reason I’m stuck is because I’m still here, not the other way around. But I still don’t know where I should go if I leave. What do you think?

She never says anything, but I also never try to talk to her. She sneaks up on me and I do my best to push her away again because I don’t want to be reminded of that version of me and I don’t want to be reminded of that day. I don’t know if I want to try to contact her because I don’t want to see her at all but I’m beginning to think that might be the only way to solve this.

Love,

Korra

PS It was pretty difficult for me to be miserable around you, too. When we were searching for Airbenders, when you were here for the Glacier Spirits Festival, and when you were here last.

Korra,

There’s a selfish part of me that wants to tell you to come back to Republic City and stay with me, but I think we both know that that’s probably not the best way to go about this. Maybe you’re not ready to come back to Republic City but that doesn’t mean you’re not ready to leave the South Pole. You still have the rest of the world. You can go to Kyoshi Island and train with the warriors there. You can go to one of the Air Temples to focus on reconnecting with yourself spiritually and finding out once and for all if this vision really is what we think it is. I would suggest Zaofu but given Kuvira’s expanding empire and the rest of the kingdom being overrun with bandits, I think it would be best to avoid the Earth Kingdom altogether.

I miss you.

Love,

Asami


	21. "I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way"

Asami-

I’ll be honest, I want to come back to Republic City. I want to be with you. That’s what makes this so difficult, as much as I want to see you and get back to being the Avatar, I know that leaving the South Pole for Republic City isn’t a good idea. But neither is staying here.

I’ve been trying to not panic and push away this vision of mine whenever I see her. She still doesn’t say anything. But there have been a couple times where she’s been far in the distance, and it feels almost like she’s waiting for me to come to her. I might try following her next time just to see what happens. At this point I’m willing to try anything.

I miss you. I’ll keep you updated.

Love,

Korra

Korra,

I wish you could be here, too. But I think deep down both of us know that that’s not what’s best for you. I want desperately to see you, but more than anything I want you to do whatever it is you need to do to get past this block and figure out this vision. If that means waiting, I’ll wait for you. I’ll tell myself every day that maybe I’ll come home and find you waiting outside my apartment. Whatever you need, I’ll give to you, even if that means giving you time and space.

The good news is, the construction on the station is finishing up. So far Raiko has no complaints, which is surprising. But it’ll keep me busy for a little while. I’m currently trying to settle a deal with a cafe and a dumpling place to set up shop in the station, along with a newsstand.

I miss you, too.

Love,

Asami

Asami-

I followed her. I saw her as I was walking home from Katara’s and decided, fuck it, I’ll see where this takes me, if it goes somewhere weird I can always just turn around. And you know where she brought me? The docks. I stood at one end and just watched her as she stood by a ship that people were getting onto. I watched people flock all around her as they boarded, and realized that she was waiting for me to follow her so she could lead me onto the ship.

I think I’m supposed to follow her. Maybe she really is trying to tell me something or take me somewhere and maybe you were right, maybe I’m supposed to listen. I’m going to float the idea to my parents. I’m not going to tell them about this, if they knew they definitely wouldn’t let me go, but I think they’ll understand me wanting to leave. My mom has picked up on how miserable I’ve been the past few weeks. I think she knows that I can’t stay here much longer, too.

Please tell me you partnered with that dumpling place we all used to go to when I was in Republic City. That place was great. I miss it almost as much as I miss you.

Love,

Korra

Korra,

I think you’re right, I think she’s trying to tell you that you need to leave the South Pole. And maybe you’re supposed to follow her, even if you don’t know where she’s going to take you. Maybe she’s got Avatar wisdom and she knows exactly where you’re supposed to go.

Yes, it is the dumpling place we used to go to. I was thinking of that when I picked it, I thought that might make you happy.

Love,

Asami

PS Why were you at Katara’s? Are you okay?

Asami-

Oh, I only went to Katara’s to have her check on that cracked rib I got while you were here. I thought it was healed, but I just wanted to make sure. Everything’s fine. It’s healed perfectly. I saw Kya, though, and she told me to say hello to you. So: Kya says hello, with a smirk, of course.

I spoke to my parents. They’re obviously worried, but they said that if I need to leave, then I should. They offered to arrange for the White Lotus to bring me back to Republic City, but I said I’d rather go alone. I don’t know where this is going to take me, and I don’t want to drag others along in case it takes me anywhere and everywhere. I also don’t know how long this will take and the thought of not knowing when I’ll see you again is...horrible. I thought leaving Republic City was hard but this is way worse. At least when I came back home I thought I had a timeline, I thought I’d be back soon and I wouldn’t have to go too long without seeing you. Knowing now that it took so much longer than expected makes me worry about how long it’ll take for me to follow this vision and get past this spiritual block. I don’t want to go years without seeing you again, especially if I can’t even write to you because I won’t be in any one place long enough for you to respond.

I can’t wait till I get back. Can we go for dumplings together when I do?

Love,

Korra

Korra,

I mean...I could come with you, if you want. My offer from two and a half years ago to keep you company still stands. I could come down to the South Pole and we’ll head off together, leave behind the stresses that have been hanging heavy on us all this time and forget about the rest of the world. No deadlines and no pressures from anyone or anything else. Just the two of us, taking all the time we need.

Let me know. If you need me to be on the next ship to the South Pole, I’ll be there.

Love,

Asami

PS Yes, we absolutely can go for dumplings once you’re back. I’d suggest a date, but something tells me Bolin will feel left out that we didn’t take him along, too. Which means the rest of Team Avatar will want to come. It’ll be a little welcome back party, and afterwards you can come spend the night at my place, if that’s not too forward.


	22. "watch the stars from your tower and when one dartles, that's me"

Asami-

Have I mentioned how amazing you are? You’ve always been ready to be there for me, however I need you. You’ve dropped everything to be there for me and you’ve let me handle things myself without a second thought. Thank you. I don’t know if you coming with me would be a good idea, though. I’m on the fence about it. There’s part of me that wants to jump on the opportunity to see you, but there’s part of me that feels like dragging you along is selfish. You have a life and commitments in Republic City, and I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for, or where I’m even going.

But at the same time I don’t want to shut you out and hurt you. I don’t want to say I need to do this alone and then just disappear on you. I don’t want to leave you alone. I don’t want to make you feel like you’ve been left behind just for a mission. I dunno. I’m conflicted.

Miss you a lot.

Love,

Korra

Korra,

I care about you. You mean so much to me, and I want all good things for you. You’ve had so much to deal with the past couple years, and this vision is already causing a lot of stress and frustration for you. I’m not about to insist upon coming with you or that you need to do this alone, nor am I going to resent you for however you decide to go about this. That’s not going to help you or this situation. Ultimately, I want what’s best for you. You deserve to be happy and well again. How could I ever hold you back from that?

Please know, though, that you don’t have to worry about being selfish if I do come along with you. I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t feasible for me. I have an entire company that can handle the rest of the station project. If you need me there with you then with you is where I want to be.

I also won’t feel hurt if you do decide you need to do this alone. I’ll miss you, of course, that goes without saying. I miss you already. I can handle that. That’s not your responsibility to shoulder, especially not with everything else hanging over you.

I’m here for you whenever, however, wherever you need me to be.

Love,

Asami

Asami-

I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. You’ve made carrying all of this so much lighter. Thank you for trusting my judgment and my capabilities. I know that’s not easy. I know you’re scared for me and I don’t want to ever discredit that. I think I’m just hesitant to lean towards going alone because I know you’ll feel even more scared because you’ll have no idea where I am or if I’m even okay and I don’t want to do that to you. I care about you, too, and the thought of causing you that kind of stress hurts me. I know you can handle it but that doesn’t mean you should have to.

Love,

Korra

Korra,

I think part of being in a relationship with someone is knowing that you’re going to miss them when they’re not around and you’re going to worry about them when they’re struggling, or in dangerous situations. It’s unavoidable when you care about someone this much. And that’s how everyone feels about the people they care about, even when those people live relatively safe lives. You and I repeatedly put ourselves on the line, and that’s not about to stop, so of course we’re going to fear for each other, more so than other people might. Just like how I choose to sign up for Team Avatar every day, I’m choosing to care about you, knowing damn well that means there’s going to be some worry involved. I want you. I want all of this. Please trust that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t what’s best for me, too.

It sounds like you’re leaning towards doing this alone. I won’t be hurt if that’s what you decide to do. I’m not going to lie to you and say I won’t be scared for you, I will be, but that’s okay. I know what I signed up for, and I trust you to do what you think is best.

The offer still stands, though. Just let me know.

Love,

Asami

Asami-

You’re right. It’s unavoidable. I know that because it’s exactly how I feel about you. I’ll take missing you and worrying about you over not having you at all. I think I’ll always feel a bit of guilt that you’ll spend more time worrying about me than you would if you were dating a normal person. But if this is what you want I won’t stop you. You trust my judgment on what would be best for me, and I need to do the same for you. It’s just wild to me that you’ve decided I’m what’s best for you. I almost can’t believe it but then I remember that you’re what’s best for me, too.

But I think I need to do this alone. I’m so sorry. I think I need to follow her and I think I need to do it without anything that might distract me. And I mean this in the best way possible...you can be very distracting. This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, I hate not knowing when I’ll see you again and I wish I could just be in Republic City with you. But I promise you that someday I’ll take you on a journey somewhere, just the two of us, and it won’t be a mission.

I need to go soon but I’m going to miss you so, so fucking much.

Love, 

Korra

Korra,

You don’t have to apologize for anything. It’s okay. This is what you need to do, so I want you to do it. I’m happy to miss you. I’m happy to worry about you. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Honestly? More than anything I’m proud of you. You came back from the dead and emerged from the whole experience with so much strength, love, and kindness. I know that the past two and a half years have felt so slow, like everything in your life was paused, but I hope someday you’re able to see it from my point of view so you can appreciate how much has changed because you decided again and again to put in the work to change your circumstances and to grow from it all.

When do you leave?

Love,

Asami

Asami-

I, uh, cried reading your letter. I don’t see this the way that you see it but it means so much to me that you do. Maybe someday I’ll feel proud of myself and I won’t feel like I was set back by everything that happened. I don’t know if I ever will but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. Thank you for being with me every step of the way. Thank you for choosing me again and again. Please don’t forget while I’m gone that I’m choosing you, too. Every single day that I wake up and follow her I get closer to seeing you again. This whole time I’ve been hesitant to go because I felt like following her would only take me farther away from Republic City, farther away from you, but really it’s one step closer to coming back.

I leave in just over a week. I don’t know if I’ll hear back from you before I actually leave, so I’ll say all of this now: I’m going to miss you. I’m going to think of you every single day. I say that as if I don’t already, but you know what I mean. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t believe how lucky I am that the person I choose again and again chooses me, too. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I know we won’t be able to keep in contact while I’m gone, but I’m going to look at the moon every night that I’m gone and find solace in knowing that you’re looking at the same moon. No matter what, we’re still under the same sky.

I’ll see you soon.

Love,

Korra


	23. "I do love you"

Korra,

I really hope this reaches you before you leave, I have something to say that I’ve been meaning to say for a while. I heard you say it when we said goodbye the last time I left, but you had said it so quietly I didn’t know if you actually wanted me to hear, so I didn’t say anything back. I’ve been kicking myself ever since, the thought of you leaving before I get to tell you that I love you, too, is eating me alive. I’m so sorry I waited until now. I love you, too.

Here’s a key to my place. Whenever you come back, feel free to let yourself in. Every night I’ll look at the moon and think of you, and every morning when I leave for work I’ll hope that I come home to find you sound asleep in my bed, safe and secure.

Safe travels, Avatar. I love you.

Love,

Asami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as this fic comes to a close I wanna thank all of you for supporting this. writing this has been very healing and knowing that there are people who love it enough to subscribe to it really warms my heart. ily


	24. "one last reply before I go"

Asami-

I love you, too. I’ll be home soon.

Love,

Korra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be an epilogue! but first, may I present, write to me: between the letters, part 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27856197/chapters/68201265  
> thanks for reading <3


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